sigh. I feel as though I have had a breakthrough over a breakdown. I have come to learn a few things about myself and much more about other people. For myself- I have learned to expect modestly and great expectations will pronounce themselves naturally. I have also come to understand the meaning of the phrase: self responsibility. It has become such a part of my life here getting me from one moment to the next-this phrase has found it's way scribbled upon my forearm- a reminder. It's important. I surrender unhappiness to fully focus on self. What weight has been removed from my shoulders to have realized such meaningful significance. To end each day with abundant satisfaction- my actions, my intentions, performed in their entirety. Good intentions, right place of heart, even inspirational if only to blind eyes, brings untouchable self gratification. Do not mistaken these positive words for positive feelings. This actualization of self responsibility is an arduous task. To do or to act under self reward alone is not so easily accomplished and in the beginning, more often than not, has left a bitter taste in my mouth and wanting in my soul. Like everything else in life, practice and time has allowed my mind to slowly rid itself of such disdain replacing selfishness with assisted selflessness. I have learned that excuses are only excuses. Nothing can be gained from such nonsense, empty words, lost trust, buried situational awareness-immature. Living my life in pursuit of absolute responsibility for my actions has opened my eyes to behaviors less favorable from others- uncontrollable by me. A lesson easy to recite infinitely difficult to execute. With my whole heart and reason I believe the only thing honest in humanity is truth in words through action. To say what one means, do what one says no matter how seemingly challenging the circumstance. No matter how insignificant or prevalent the action, it will always affect someone somewhere. If only we were able to solely grasp, understand, foresee the consequences of our actions-forgiveness. To this the greatest affair-fraud. We as a society-a family- have so much, but to have nothing if not our word. Speak carefully, with genuine conviction, strength, and necessity. Look nowhere beside the mirror when corruption and hypocrisy fill life-they were owned words ultimately leading one here. To heal the situation begin from the inside out. First with honesty in action. This will once again promote honesty in words. The road to which we travel to achieve such credence is unique and optimistically discovered.
